Happy Holidays.
We had a throw pillow that came out every December as part of our seasonal holiday decorations. It had a picture of a reindeer with the antlers made up to be a Hanukah menorah complete with candles. I don’t recall the whimsical saying that combined the secular celebration of Christmas with the Jewish celebration of Hanukah. We must have donated this decorative gem to Goodwill or the like since I can’t find it, but it defines the way in which our blended family celebrated the December holidays.
Like many families throughout North America, we do not celebrate our holidays the way we did when we were kids. For me, with my Christian upbringing, this was with presents under the Christmas tree and stockings hung by the fireplace, which miraculously filled with goodies overnight.
For many years after we married, Linda and I comfortably celebrated both Christmas and Hanukah with each of our families in ways that mimicked what we experienced as children. We had a tree in the living room, stockings by the fireplace and a Hanukah menorah or two prominently displayed. We celebrated Christmas with my family and joined Linda’s family in their various (and diverse) celebrations.
When my journey to Judaism brought me to conversion, after 17 years of marriage, our household began a transition from a blended mix of traditions to our current tradition of a completely Jewish celebration. Without any Christmas decorations remaining, that silly pillow, with its blended message had to go. This transition took time to happen over the 12 years since my conversion. I could not immediately let go of the desire to continue to recreate, for my children, the favorite memories I had as a child. But as they were growing up, and their own Jewish identities were developing, I had to face the fact that the experiences my kids have had, and would have, are their own and not mine to relive.
Certainly navigating the uncharted waters as a blended family – and we continue to be an interfaith extended family even though we have a completely Jewish household – has been challenging over the years. Things would have been easier if we did not have different faith traditions to accommodate, but that was not the path for us. This path is one which I feel was chosen for us by a divine plan, which I am immensely happy with. Every year as December rolls around, I am filled with the joy of the season – all of the various aspects of the season from all the phases of my life – and our family’s blended history.
Happy Holidays!
Alex, thank you for a beautifully written post that discusses the holiday season from the perspective of someone who is creating new family traditions.
At some point we all – it is hoped – realize that our children’s lives are not our lives, and that the matrix of traditions that helps shape them is different from ours. It’s our job as parents to make sure they have those traditions, even if they’re not quite the ones we grew up with.
May you and your family enjoy walking the path you live and create together.
thanks alex, i sent it to my kids who are at the beginning of an intermarried life.