As an organization devoted to involving men in Jewish life, FJMC is planning its summer 2013 convention around the theme “Conservative/Masorti Men at the Crossroads”. As such the editors of Mentschen.org want to hear YOUR voice about the challenges that Jewish men face today.
This is the first in a series of posts where we want to hear from YOU. Please join in the conversation and tell your friends!
WHO WERE YOUR ROLE MODELS? We all can look back and think about pivotal events and key people in our lives.
- Who were these men or women in YOUR life?
- Tell us about their role and how it shaped the man who you are today.
- Are you serving as a mentor or role model for another man today? How?
We look forward to a lively discussion!
When I think back to the people who had the largest impact in my life, I have to start with my parents. My mother taught me how to have a Jewish Home, to make Shabbat and to keep Kosher (in the home at least). My father taught me the value of working hard, being honest and having a good name.
In addition to them, another person who had a great impact on my life was Rabbi Palti Silton, my teacher as a teenager at Temple Israel in Albany. Rabbi Silton never allowed me to give up on myself Jewishly, and to question everything.
I believe that I am a better person because of their impact on my life.
I also believe that we are at a crossroads, both as Masorti Men and the Masorti movement as a whole.
Masorti men are at a crossroads because we do not take a leadership role ritually or in running our Synagogues, something that the men in my parents generation could not get away from because there was no such thing as egalitarianism in the 60′s and early 70′s. My father was a leader in our shul, not only because he wanted to be but also because he had to be. My mother was in the vanguard of women leaders, but her focus was on Sisterhood and the PTA, there weren’t other avenues open to her.
I am not ‘anti-egal’, far from it. My wife and daughters are full participants and leaders in their own right and I couldn’t be prouder. Rather, we need to challenge ourselves as men to be leaders, it’s very easy sit back and let someone else lead.
I believe that the Masorti movement is at a crossroads because we have such a difficult time defining who we are. If someone is Shomer Shabbat or fully Kosher, we tend to buttonhole them as Orthodox, when in fact those are tenets of Masorti Judaism as well. We need to decide how big the tent is (to use a phrase from the 1980′s Republican Party) and make sure that we welcome all.
As to the last question, do I serve as a role model for someone else, I certainly hope so. I believe that my wife and I are role models for our daughters, and that we teach be example. Are there others? I have many friends in the FJMC and we have all learned from each other over the years. I don’t think I’m a mentor to anyone, and if I am, I’m humbled to be thought of in that manner.
There have been several men who showed me the way. I’d like to write about a few of them:
My father grew up without a father. On the brink of WW I, at the age of 10, he came to the U.S. from Poland. His father didn’t board the boat, and he was never heard from again. My father taught me to be strong and independent. He learned the hard way. His lot was lemons, and he made lemonade. My father died in 2005 at the age of 101.
My brother Len was my closest male friend, and our families shared our bond. There came a day we were both down and out. He had a struggling business and his health was poor. I needed a new career. We went into business together. He taught me everything he knew, while I managed the day to day. Were it not for him, I never would have achieved what I did. Len died in 1984 at the age of 45.
My father-in-law loved me like a son, and the feeling was mutual. He was a holocaust survivor who was grateful for every blessing. He was also a good businessman. His confidence in me, made me feel like a million bucks. You can’t buy that kind of stuff. My father-in-law died in 1999 at the age of 87.
They’re all gone. It gets lonely sometimes, but they live inside me.
I am the product of so many teachers, friends and colleagues and of course not to mention the massive impact that my parents have had on my life.
I must first begin with my father. Many of you know or have met my Dad as he attended several FJMC conventions with me over the years. My father was a CPA by profession, starting his career in public accounting, later becoming treasurer for one of his accounts after having been instrumental in taking them from a private business to one listed on the stock exchange. However in his middle years the company regrouped and he found himself without a position. Ultimately he was able to find work with a number of firms until his retirement.
My parents had a wonderful, loving marriage.
Dad’s intelligence, good humor and gentle nature were models that I continually try to emulate. His amazing work ethic, and in particular his dedication to the needs of his clients serve as a model for me to this very day. His continued good humor and grace during what must have been amazingly challenging years when he was between jobs was exemplary. His devotion to our mother and indeed to our entire family was an example of what a true home is meant to be.
I carry his legacy with me always.
I’d like to talk about one other mentor whose hand is felt in my professional life. Dr. Lewis Barness was one of my first professors of Pediatrics at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine. One of the “greats” of his day, Dr. Barness was also tremendously warm and extremely approachable. He clearly enjoyed being a Pediatrician and that joy ultimately was one of the key factor in my choice of specialty.
What I learned from Dr. Barness, aside from an amazing amount of pediatric knowledge, was the vital importance of listening to the patient. Despite the multitude of tests available to us from the laboratory and imaging, there is simply no substitute to looking a patient in the eye, listening to what they say (and what they are leaving out), and what can be learned by a careful exam.
It has been over forty years since we’ve met, but Dr. Barness taught me what is meant to be a physician and those lessons; that mentoring can be seen in my work everyday.
From time to time I have the pleasure of teaching medical students and residents as they visit my office. I hope that I can transmit to them both the wisdom and presence that I learned from this wonderful teacher! It is certainly a conscious goal.
Beautiful
Perhaps I’ll write about mentors at another time, but here I’ll recount a recent conversation among the guys in our informal HMV group.
As a group, we’re petrified that conservative Judaism is disappearing around us. Certainly not for the lack of our efforts, because we’re all, I think, committed, proud and active Jews. Chabad is not a preferred alternative, but in time it may be the only one in our area, because we’re united in that Reform is not the answer for us. Our shul can probably survive for another 20 years, but our congregation ages and the younger Jews are overwhelmingly choosing the “ease” and lack of commitment of Reform.
I can think of myriad reasons, but not really answers. I’m at shul 6 or 7 days a week and very active. My fear is that the depth of the problem of Conservative survival, externally and internally, exceed any solutions.
One further comment: USCJ does a disparagingly bad job of communicating to its members. It amazes me that so many smart people can do so poorly, excepting, of course groaning and moaning about Chabad which is eating Conservatism’s lunch. Has nobody at the top noticed this? If it’s been noticed, there’s clearly been no attempt to improve. It’s very discouraging.