Happy Holidays.
Among of the many Jewish laws, one says that you should never remind the Convert of his status lest he be made to feel like an outsider. For me, as a convert to Judaism, the December holiday season is filled with reminders that I am different. I see Christmas decorations as a reminder of my childhood experiences growing up Christian. And when I see Jewish decorations in public spaces and in my workplace, it appears to be nothing more than a token gesture put in place for my “benefit” as one of the small number of Jewish employees
All of these decorations are part of the much larger American Jewish experience that I am part of, but is come to make me feel like a minority within a minority. I know I am not alone, but it can feel very lonely.
A few years ago – before we joined Temple Aliyah – a family scheduled their son’s Bar Mitzvah to occur on Christmas day. Without realizing what it sounded like to my ears, they said “What else do a bunch of Jews have to do on Christmas other than go out for Chinese food and a movie?” While I agreed with this for the Jewish community in general, I felt quite different – we spend Christmas day with my family exchanging gifts and celebrating family time. The scheduling of this Bar Mitzvah forced us, or so it felt, to choose between being Jewish and being a part of my family.
While this family had only the best intentions, their viewpoint did not consider the impact of their word on families, like mine, who are not completely Jewish. You see, while we have a fully Jewish household following my conversion, we are still a multi-faceted interfaith family. And in today’s American Jewish experience, we are approaching the point where interfaith families will equal number of completely Jewish families. And in communities like ours, we may have already crossed that threshold.
Our words have the ability to make others feel wonderful and they can hurt those around us. I recall hearing about a child in Religious school who was told by his teacher “Jews don’t have Christmas trees”. The child was devastated to hear this and I completely understand his/her feeling. My family had a Christmas tree for many years, even when my children were attending Religious school, before conversion felt right for me. And, my wife’s Jewish grandparents decorated their house with a white-flocked tree with blue ornaments as their expressions of their assimilated Jewish identity.
My prayer for this holiday season is that we all consider the people who will hear our words before they leave our lips. And that we brace ourselves for the well-meaning words that may come our way, that are not intended to hurt. I have come to accept wishes of “Merry Christmas” from my co-workers as readily as “Happy Hanukkah” or even just “Happy Holidays” as an attempt to wish that my holiday celebration, whatever that may be, should be wonderful. I wish the same to you.
Happy Holidays,
Alex Romano
Temple Aliyah Men’s Club President
alex.romano@mc.templealiyah.org
747-777-3872
Alex
Very well written and equally well stated.
I grew up in Providence, RI in the late ’40′s and 50′s.
Silent Night and Adeste Fidelis were holiday staples in our public schools.
We all had to sing these songs and particpate in whatever passed for Christmas pagents.
No menorahs, just trees.
Pawtucket, the neighboring town became famous for a Supreme Court decision allowing creches on municipal/public property. Which is probably why Central Park now has a Giant Claes Oldenburg sized Menorah.
Not being able to celebrate Christmas was painful for children in thier single digits.
America was less of a Judeo-Christian country and more of a Christian country at that time.
Today, the tides of history have shifted and many Jews are now allowed to ignore Christmas. And, wonder of wonders, Christian children want to know why they get only one day of presents. ;
One sad by-product is our newfound ability as Jews to ignore Christmas and focus solely on menorahs.
Our kids have been blessed with a big reduction in anti-semitism.
And being Jewish has become what I will describe as normal.
The rise in Jewish parochial schools may actuall be indirectly linked to this increased welcoming of Jews to mainstream America.
It would take a David Brooks to do justice to this theme, but it is there.
Greater tolerance of American Jewry has led to a particular ability by Jews to be insensitive to the world around them. And the idea of a bar mitzvah on Christmas Day is one outward sign of that.
The sociiological shift of the last 60-70 years has distanced our children and their life patterns from those of their parents. They have the good fortune to take for granted much that we could not conceive of as being normal.
But as with everything in life, there is a price.
Celebrate Christmas with your family. There will be other bar mitzvahs.
harvey braunstein
Harvey, David Brooks doesn’t hold a candle to you.
Alex and Harvey, I grew up with Christmas trees in my family celebrations. One uncle called them Yule Logs. In my childhood, I decorated the trees in our apartment lobbies and thought nothing of it. That I suppose is a child’s perspective. So, at this time of year, as we celebrate the various Festivals of Light which all have pagan origins, all I can say is Happy Kwanzaa, Joyeux Noel, Chag Urim Sameah. I recognize the various religious aspects and know that all traditions have authenticity and merit. So my serious reply is, HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU TOO!
And Art – does David Brooks really hold a candle? I thought he held a microphone most of the time! Or a pen.