Comments for Mentschen

Comment on The Unraveller-Looking Into Kaplan’s Diary by Dr. Mel Scult by Art Spar

Art Spar — Fri, 04 May 2012 19:24:16 +0000

Mel, I’m given insight but troubled by the God-Government time warp. It’s helpful to hear Kaplan’s thesis on how an ancient people imposed God upon a collective expression of values. It also makes me feel good be part part of a civilization that has supported high moral vales for thousands of years. I’m disturbed, however, by the diminution of God to communal thought. While I struggle mightily to understand the nature of God, with no supernatural delusions, I’m looking for more than human thought. The highest human ideals model something bigger. That something bigger is where God is found.

Comment on The Unraveller: Parashat Sh’mini by Rabbi Ita Paskind by Bob Braitman

Bob Braitman — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 16:41:41 +0000

I have always been moved and inspired by the friendship of David and Jonathan. It is a joy to be a member of FJMC where the opportunity to share remarkable experiences together and build friendships is so essential to our being.

Shabbat Shalom to all!

Comment on When It Doesn’t Work by Joanne Palmer by Bob Braitman

Bob Braitman — Sun, 15 Apr 2012 15:08:48 +0000

Joanne,

I offer my congratulations on a moving and powerful essay. It is certainly deserving of the recognition of the Rockower Award. Kol HaKavod!

We all experience Kaddish in a different way and of course in a variety of circumstances. The first time that I said Kaddish as a mourner was at my mother’s graveside. I was numb, and the staccato words seemed to mirror the awful sound of the soil that we had just shoveled over her casket.

Yit-THUMP, Gadal-THUMP, v’YitKadash-THUMP-THUMP, Shemai Raba………………

During the week of shiva, as family and friends came to share memories and offer consolation, my emotions were still raw and the words came from a place of emptiness. The room was full yet I felt strangely alone.

The amazing wisdom of tradition was evident though to me over the following months. I became a part of the daily minyan “community” and instead of feeling alone; I felt that as most of the attendees rose to say Kaddish for a loved one, we stood together. This support gave me the strength to carry on and in a strange way the Kaddish became emblematic of that community; a mantra if you will that embodies that comfort.

One thing that I never quite “got” was the introduction to the Kaddish that is inserted into many prayerbooks that goes along the lines that even in the face of their mourning these people are standing to praise God’s name. Implying, I guess, that the rest of the congregation should be even more anxious to offer praise given their relative freedom from heartache at that time. I still don’t get that. I realize that the words of the Kaddish are about God, but my recitation is totally personal, it is about those I’ve lost. It is about memory.

My father was always proud to introduce me to his friends, and in the course of one of these introductions his friend put his arm around me and said to my dad, “so this is your Kaddish!” At the time the remark struck me as both morbid and a bit rude. I subsequently learned the tradition that by saying the Kaddish the mourner somehow assures an easy transition to the World to Come. Even after studying this at the time, it did not resonate with me.

It is now many years since I was first thrust into the position of being a mourner. Yet each time I rise to say Kaddish, I do indeed realize that I am ensuring a place for my loved ones in the World to Come. For them, my Kaddish ensures that the place that they had in shaping me, the legacy that they left for our family and community does indeed endure in my heart and through my words.

May their memories be for a blessing!

Comment on When It Doesn’t Work by Joanne Palmer by Jeff Schulman

Jeff Schulman — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 01:30:27 +0000

Joanne, I would first like to thank you for baring your soul to us. The mere thought of losing a child is horrible, your having done so in such a random and unexpected manner must have made it much worse for you. We in America are taught that “Time heals all wounds” yet I’m not sure that it does.

I have 2 different experiences with Kaddish, one as a bystander and one as a participant. In the first, my wife’s sister and her husband lost a baby at 15 months old. Rebecca was a twin, born with a heart defect, and when the doctors felt she was strong enough they tried to repair the defect, but my niece never woke up. The pain was unbearable for all of us and watching my Sister-in-Law saying Kaddish during Shiva and then during the mourning period was almost impossible for me, yet she found solace and healing in it.

Personally, I have been through 2 periods of saying Kaddish myself, once for each of my parents. Both of my parents battled illness and their last years were not kind. When they each died, I was very mad a God and denied His existence, yet every morning I put on tefillin and said Kaddish. I found the physical acts both to be cathartic and helped me begin my healing. Many days I would not be able to finish the Kaddish due to the tears that would start flowing, something that is very difficult to hide when you are leading the Minyan. Yet I continued to say Kaddish whenever I could and I was finally able to let go of my anger.

The ritual acts help, they provide structure when we most need it and they allow our souls to heal.

May you continue to find some peace in your daughter’s memory.

Comment on When It Doesn’t Work by Joanne Palmer by Al Davis

Al Davis — Mon, 09 Apr 2012 15:04:15 +0000

Kaddish worked fine for me but my father, alav ha-shalom, had quite an opposite response — more in line with yours. His parents both suffered horrible deaths from illness. To add insult to injury, there was a gravediggers strike when his mother was to be buried so he and his brothers were forced to dig her grave at 4 o’clock that morning and then go home and prepare for the funeral and then they had to bury her.

My father, not having a great religious training or background, had a hard enough time with religion and then, reading the words of the Kaddish — was totally turned off. “Let me get this straight, After putting my parents through misery and then forcing me to dig my own mother’s grave you want me to utter a prayer three times a day for a year that praises and glorifies Him? A prayer than makes no mention whatever of either parent?”

And yet, he did say Kaddish for a bit — and Yizkor for a goodly number of years until he just couldn’t do it any more. We had many conversations yet, while I was able to give him some insight into the Kaddish, it was insufficient to change his mind.

The irony is that, when I was a tyke, Dad always introduced me to people (with great pride!) as his “Kaddishel.” I didn’t know then what it meant but I understood it as a term of endearment. When I understodd it, I became ambivalent as I still understodd the endearment but resented that role I would eventually play. Now, and I cry as I write these words, I cherish the fact that I have the role of perpetuating his memory and praying for the welfare of his neshama.

Perhaps — realizing that the Kaddish chases after Shira and ever elevates her neshama to greater heights will add yet a nother level of meaning to it for you and help you recite it with purposeful and hopeful tears.

B’vracha

Comment on When It Doesn’t Work by Joanne Palmer by Larry Eisenstadt, Ritual Coordinator, Temple of Aaron, St. Paul, Minnesota

Larry Eisenstadt, Ritual Coordinator, Temple of Aaron, St. Paul, Minnesota — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 16:01:43 +0000

Todah Rabah for telling such a moving story. May your daughter’s soul always be bound up in the bond of everlasting life and especially everlasting love. You have given me a beautiful way of expressing how important a minyan/Kaddish is to individuals and to my congregation as a whole.

Comment on When It Doesn’t Work by Joanne Palmer by Ed M

Ed M — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 20:50:29 +0000

Joanne, Unfortunately my family and I can relate tangentially to your pain and angst. Like you, I also find comfort in the awkward ability to share my story with others in a responsive venue such as this blog. My participation in the minyan, even after the shloshim period, allows me to be considered a source of welcoming and strength within my family; even though the pain never goes away. Joanne, I hear you. Thank you for expressing yourself so beautifully, sharing yours and Shira’s story z”l and allowing many of us to find consolation and renewed strength. May you and your family find comfort and strength in the days and years ahead, in your expressions and continued teachings, (you know the drill…) along with the other mourners in Zion and Jerusalem.

Comment on The Other Existential Threat to Israel By Art Spar by Stan greenspan

Stan greenspan — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 19:05:38 +0000

Art, I’m afraid you are being mislead on a number of counts. First, the area of Judea & Samaria, called the “West Bank” by Jordan when they illegally occupied the area after 1948, is just as much a part of Israel as it is a part of any other country. We need to remember that all the states in the middle east are recent creations, none of which existed prior to the First World War.
Jordan, the country that was created from the Palestine Mandate as an Arab homeland, annexed the area they conquered in 1948 and only the UK recognized that conquest. The Jordanians immediately ethnically cleansed the area. The Old City of Jerusalem, Gush Etzion, Hebron and many other areas which had significant Jewish populations for centuries (if not millennia) had entire populations removed. I had relatives who lived in Efrat prior to 1948 who were killed. It was not “Juden Rein” but significantly Jewish.
Second, ss to the demographic information that is constantly produced to show how Israel would be “swamped” by a higher Arab birthrate, I would suggest a check of recent studies.
The CIA Factbook has constantly shown that the Arab birthrate is dropping. In 1969, the average Arab mother had 6 more children than her Jewish counterpart. In 2012, the numbers have dropped to less than .5 a drop of 5.5 births per mother, and shows no sign of stopping. Recent predictions show that the convergence has happened at 3 children per mother with a predicted decline on the Arab side to the pan-Arab average. At this time, there are 3.2 Jewish children born to each Arab birth. The numbers show a significant rise in Jewish population and a drop in the Arab population as a whole along with their percentage makeup in the country as a whole.
Does this suggest that Israel should annex Judea and Samaria? I’m not sure what the answer to that question is. We have spent the 20 years since Oslo giving and conceding in negotiations, and yet there has been no progress towards peace.
Our Palestinian “partners” brag about their dreams of destruction. Perhaps it’s time for The New York Times to begin to question that side of the equation, and perhaps it’s time for our people to consider boycotting those who would suggest boycotts.
As we found with the “Great Scotch Boycott” reversing the trend is not that hard. I hope to talk to you about this over a wee dram soon. Shabbat Shalom!

Comment on The Other Existential Threat to Israel By Art Spar by Stuart Kaplan

Stuart Kaplan — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 16:24:44 +0000

Art and Bob,
Reding the NY Times daily I of course also read Beinart’s piece. I have also read several responses to it. So I agree with those that say a boycott on the settlements alone is almost impossible to achieve, as well as being unfair to those encourged by the government to live there, and it also opens the door to the BDS movement against Israel in general.
While I agree that Israel tends to get unfairly singled out, I think that those of us who have a genuine interst in the welfare of Israel should take action if we see Israel doing something terribly wrong. One way to do this is support organizations who urgently seek a two state solution. Another might be support for groups seeking peaceful relations and dialogue with palestinians living there.

Comment on The Other Existential Threat to Israel By Art Spar by Bob Braitman

Bob Braitman — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 12:06:25 +0000

Art,

I also read Beinart’s piece in the Times the other day. Like you I am troubled by the fact that Israel, the state that is often held to a “higher authority” is in the situation where the rights of many of those who live outside of the “green line” are not the same as Palestinian citizens of Israel.

I am concerned though by the conclusions of your essay and the op-ed. First, Beinart (and you by extension) are lumping the entire area that became part of Israel after Israel successfully defended herself from attack in 1967 as one monolithic “territory”. Some of this area are thriving, successful and democratic cities and town that are mostly suburbs of Jerusalem. They are not the same as outposts that are purposely and provocatively placed in the center of a Palestinian town. Second, I am saddened by repeated attempts to single out Israel, the one democracy in the Middle East for behavior that is business as usual in virtually every other country there. What “rights” do Jews have in Syria, Saudi Arabia, etc? Should we be writing op-ed pieces to boycott their products?

I am troubled by the polarization of political rhetoric in Israel (much as I am here in the USA) that often results in being an obstacle to finding workable solutions to difficult problems. Instead of a boycott, let’s channel our support to those moderate voices of reason.

Most people on the ground envision a peaceful solution with two thriving states living peacefully side by side. Let us join in that vision and give it our support.