Here

is a photo that I posted on Facebook in honor of Father’s Day. When I went back a few hours later to see any comments, I was intrigued by the many, many postings on Facebook of similar photos of fathers and sons and the heartwarming comments that accompanied them. I was also delighted to see several posts from men commenting about the wonderful fathers that THEIR sons have become.  I was also touched by the many “likes” and several comments about how my dad influenced the lives of my family and friends.

How are you spending Father’s Day? What are your memories of your father? What would you like your son to remember about you?

In lieu of a dedicated sermon or drash, the organizers of our service have generally sprinkled readings throughout the service. Many of these readings have been taken from essays in the “Hearing Men’s Voices” books, and other FJMC sources.

This year the readings were exclusively taken from some the essays posted right here on our Mentschen blog. While I have read all of them as they were posted, there was a certain power of having the read aloud in the synagogue on the occasion of Brotherhood Shabbat.

Thank you to all of you who have contributed in the past. Please continue to send along your inspiring thoughts and your challenges to our every-day life.

This blog lives through your words. Please keep inspiring us!

BobBraitman@FJMC.org

“Arbeit Macht Frei.”

I can see these words in the iron over the gates as clearly today as when I walked through those gates more than two decades ago. I can still see the torture chambers, the wall where the firing line once stood, the barracks filled with suitcases and with shoes. These are some of the images I still retain from a visit to Auschwitz/Birkenau concentration camp.

I was in Poland in the spring of 1990 as part of a team from the USC Cinema School, touring the emerging democracy to advise a company on their venture to bring cable TV to the Polish people. A holocaust survivor, who had escaped from Auschwitz as a boy, founded the company. We toured the country for a week, visiting every significant film school and broadcast facility. Our last day was time for site seeing in and around Krakow. The afternoon was devoted to a tour of the concentration camp.

As we walked through the gates, we learned that the ironic message “Arbeit Macht Frei,” (Work Brings Freedom) was just the beginning of the cruelties that we were to become witness to.  No one can visit site and deny that the holocaust took place. Our group leader declared on the silent ride back to Krakow that this is the most depressing place on earth and every human being needs to see it.

The tour was simultaneously fascinating and horrifying. I took many pictures on the tour, but these are prints that I have never put into a photo album and have only looked at a couple of times. I don’t need to look at them – I can see them in my head just as vividly today. I can also feel the feelings I experienced that day.

They are a part of me and a significant step on my journey to Judaism. When I visited Auschwitz, I was not Jewish. In fact, the idea of converting had never entered my consciousness at the time. My thought, as I witnessed the horrors of the holocaust which no museum can match, was that these atrocities happened to the Jews—them, not us, not me. But as I worked through the displays of the shoes and the suitcases, I began to understand that these were all people like me. When I got to the display of eyeglasses, I began to connect with the individuals that each represents. When I got to the display of the half dozen recovered Tallitot (prayer shawls), I understood the importance that Judaism played in the lives of these lost souls.

It was not very long after that trip that Judaism became a bigger and bigger part of our household, which eventually led to my conversion nine years later. This visit was a step on my journey.

Today, as we light the yellow candle each year, I recall this trip to Poland and the tour that changed my life. As I recall the vivid images of Auschwitz, I shudder at the horrors that were inflicted on the Jewish people—us, not them—me.

Alex Romano

Temple Aliyah Men’s Club President

alex.romano@mc.templealiyah.org

747-777-3872

 It was at the session on ethical speech that he shared a problem that threatened to dismantle it.  The men’s club had become fractured by harsh words between two members.  Sides we being taken.  Bad words were flying all around.  How could he conduct himself ethically and sensitively to restore the good feelings that once existed in the group?

One of the ground rules of Hearing Men’s Voices is what is said in the session remains confidential.  So in many ways, this is the end of the story.  We can report a happy ending.  Our friend worked hard to heal the rift in his club, and Hearing Men’s voices became the venue to make it happen. 

The point is that men do benefit from participating in Hearing Men’s Voices.  And for younger men with fewer institutional networks, it may be a vital lifeline to male connection.  It offers a forum for them to discuss difficult issues that need to be discussed.  It brings them closer to others in the group.  As illustrated above, it can lead to healing oneself and others.

This summer, from July 24^th to 28^th, men’s clubbers from all over the world will meet in Boston to discuss “Conservative/Masorti Men at the Crossroads, Responding to a Changing World”.  Hearing Men’s Voices will be one of the central programs of the convention.   We will use this as the forum to help us respond to a changing world.   Furthermore, we will provide specific topics for younger men to be engaged with themselves and the larger group.

For example, one of the topics will be “Being a Jewish Father”.  What are the issues facing a young father?  How does one raise a Jewish child?   We envision a multigenerational group that will bring men who have lived through this experience in contact with younger men new to his life cycle event.  It should be useful for all participants. Another topic will be “Building a Career”.  Obviously, this is as subject that is pivotal for young Jewish men.  Again we will bring a number of generations of men together to discuss their experiences.    How does one find a mentor?  How does one mentor someone else?  What issues does commuting present?  How does one navigate different organizations when building his career?  How does one balance work and family (and men’s club) to achieve the kind of life he wants?

The Mentschen of the FJMC invite all men to participate in Hearing Men’s Voices at convention.   We believe it will accelerate the younger men’s integration into our organization.  We also believe younger men will energize their more mature counterparts.  Please contact your local club to learn more about Hearing Men’s Voices programming and to learn how you can attend Convention this summer.

Dear Men,

Dear Men and Women, but especially, dear men,

There comes a moment in the Jewish education of every man, where he encounters a text from Pirke Avot which on its surface seems simple, but in our time has become very complicated.

It is a statement of Hillel:  U-VEMAKOM SHE’EIN ANASHIM, HISHTADEL LIHYOT ISH. (2:6)

It means literally, “in a place where there are no men, be a man.”

But it’s a complicated text for us. Because it is such a strongly gendered statement, many translators have neutered it.  Even our Sim Shalom siddur falls into the trap and says, “Where there are no worthy persons, strive to be a worthy person.”

But that’s not what it is saying.  It’s not about being a worthy person; we have plenty of texts for that.  This is about being a man.  And it is from a great man who understood what it meant to be a man, and was unashamed and unapologetic about the masculine gender in his statement: “Where there are no men, strive to be a man.” As men, we need our tradition to remind us that we have to strive to be men.   Especially when more and more men, especially young men, have become confused and puzzled by what it means to be a man.

What does it mean to be a man?  

What does it mean to be a real Jewish man?

Let me present five ways to be a real Jewish man.

1.  To be a real Jewish man, means to participate in TEFILAH.  It means that your membership in a minyan-tefilah is mandatory.  Repeat after me:

Minyan membership is mandatory for men. 

There are men in this room who understand this and who are present day in and day out at minyan.  They are backbone of our shuls.  They are the finest men in our shuls, and everyone here knows it.

Being a man means you show up.  Being a man means you are present and accounted for.  For too many men egalitarianism has become a convenient excuse for them to stay home. Being a man means showing up before you are asked. Being a man means that you put the needs of the community above yourself. Real men go to minyan. Real men make minyan a mandatory part of their lives.  If there is one thing that you can do to enhance your life and the life of your shul it is to go to minyan.

2. Real men study Torah. Study stimulates strength of character.  Study stirs empathy.  Study stresses self-awareness.  And study stimulates connection to others. Study of Torah is essential for our lives as Jewish men.  If there is one thing that you can do to enhance your life as a Jewish man, it should be the study of Torah.

3. Real men do Mitzvot.  It’s not “the suit that makes the man,” or “the hat that makes the man,” it’s “the mitzvah the makes the man.”  Be a man who is committed to mitzvah. Choose your mitzvah and specialize in it. Be proud of it and model your mitzvah to others.

Okay, so far we have:

1. Real men go to Minyan.

2. Real men study Torah.

3. Real men do Mitzvot.

Here are two more.

4. Real Men do Tzedakah.  Real men don’t wait to be asked to give.  And real men give generously.  Real men share.  Real men work for tzedakah projects. They see people hurting they mobilize.  They see someone in need, they come to the rescue.  Real men work for justice.  They are POALIM.  Poalei Tzedek.  Real men stand up for Israel especially when they see Israel under attack and when they see the hypocrisy of the world that could care less about the thousands massacred in Syria, and the intolerable rain of terror rockets in Southern Israel, and yet condemns Israel for self-defense.

5. Lastly, real men have a SHEM, a name.  A SHEM TOV, a good name.  Honesty, integrity, kindness. Being a great husband, a great father, a great mentor, a great friend.  All the things that give you a good name in life.

How do you become a real Jewish man?

TEFILLAH, TORAH, MITZVAH, POEL TZEDEK and SHEM.

Let me make it easy for you to remember:
TAF, TAF, MEM, PEH, SHIN. Scramble those letters and what do you get?

MISHTATEF. MEM, SHIN, TAF, TAF, PEH.

Which means a participant.

Participate in TEFILA, in minyan.

Participate in Torah. Study.

Participate in mitzvah through the Men’s Club projects.

Participate in Tzedakh by giving generously and speaking out for Israel.

And if you do all of that, and have a SHEM TOV, a reputation of living your life with integrity, then you’ll be a man.

UVEMAKOM SHE’IN ANASHIM, And in a place where there are no men, you won’t have a problem being a man.  You’ll know exactly what it means.

Rabbi Eliot Malomet Highland Park Conservative Temple – Congregation Anshe Emeth, Highland Park, NJ.

Regular readers of Mentschen will know that I have been serving as a mohel here in the Boston area. I’m writing this post as I’ve just returned from doing a “bris” this morning. Being a mohel allows me to speak for a few minutes about the joys of our tradition. It is particularly nice to speak to the many young friends and family members who often aren’t exposed to Judaism, and also to the older family members for whom these words resonate with their own spiritual life.

The moments that are especially moving for me are those around the giving of the baby his name. I encourage parents to spend a few minutes, sharing with those in attendance the story of the name. Who are the men and women that are being remembered through the name of this new baby? What were their stories? What memories can be shared about them?

Whether the memory is of a loving parent or grandparent, a young friend or family member who’s life ended too soon, these stories invariable generate tears around the room. And that includes mine.

It is with great joy that I was honored to bless this child and his parents. I ask God to grant the parents the wisdom and patience to rear this baby into manhood and teaching him to be a loving, caring human being. I was particularly thrilled that there were four (count ‘em) great-grandparents on hand and was happy to pray that they, along with the grandparents experience joy and nachas from the baby.

As I blessed this child and his family I felt the hand of God on my shoulder. It was an extraordinary moment!

Among of the many Jewish laws, one says that you should never remind the Convert of his status lest he be made to feel like an outsider. For me, as a convert to Judaism, the December holiday season is filled with reminders that I am different.  I see Christmas decorations as a reminder of my childhood experiences growing up Christian. And when I see Jewish decorations in public spaces and in my workplace, it appears to be nothing more than a token gesture put in place for my “benefit” as one of the small number of Jewish employees

All of these decorations are part of the much larger American Jewish experience that I am part of, but is come to make me feel like a minority within a minority. I know I am not alone, but it can feel very lonely.

A few years ago – before we joined Temple Aliyah – a family scheduled their son’s Bar Mitzvah to occur on Christmas day. Without realizing what it sounded like to my ears, they said “What else do a bunch of Jews have to do on Christmas other than go out for Chinese food and a movie?” While I agreed with this for the Jewish community in general, I felt quite different – we spend Christmas day with my family exchanging gifts and celebrating family time. The scheduling of this Bar Mitzvah forced us, or so it felt, to choose between being Jewish and being a part of my family.

While this family had only the best intentions, their viewpoint did not consider the impact of their word on families, like mine, who are not completely Jewish. You see, while we have a fully Jewish household following my conversion, we are still a multi-faceted interfaith family. And in today’s American Jewish experience, we are approaching the point where interfaith families will equal number of completely Jewish families. And in communities like ours, we may have already crossed that threshold.

Our words have the ability to make others feel wonderful and they can hurt those around us. I recall hearing about a child in Religious school who was told by his teacher “Jews don’t have Christmas trees”. The child was devastated to hear this and I completely understand his/her feeling. My family had a Christmas tree for many years, even when my children were attending Religious school, before conversion felt right for me. And, my wife’s Jewish grandparents decorated their house with a white-flocked tree with blue ornaments as their expressions of their assimilated Jewish identity.

My prayer for this holiday season is that we all consider the people who will hear our words before they leave our lips. And that we brace ourselves for the well-meaning words that may come our way, that are not intended to hurt. I have come to accept wishes of “Merry Christmas” from my co-workers as readily as “Happy Hanukkah” or even just “Happy Holidays” as an attempt to wish that my holiday celebration, whatever that may be, should be wonderful. I wish the same to you.

Happy Holidays,

Alex Romano

Temple Aliyah Men’s Club President

alex.romano@mc.templealiyah.org

747-777-3872

There were three horses running in a race.  Their names were Tally-ho, Sonny Boy and Fast Track.  There owners were Mr. Lewis, Mr. Cohen and Mr. Smith, although not necessarily in that sequence.

Tally-ho unfortunately broke his ankle at the start of the race.

Mr. Smith owned a brown and white three-year old.

Sonny Boy had previous winnings of $350,000.

Mr. Cohen bet and lost heavily although his horse almost won.

The horse that won was black.

This race was the first race that the horse owned by Mr. Lewis had run in

What was the name of the horse that won?

Try to solve the puzzle.  And, when you do, send the answer along with your synagogue and city and get your name listed in next month’s issue.

Arnie Miller (miller.arnold@comcast.net)

Morey Waltuck (mwaltuck@comcast.net).

Please do not put your solution in the “Leave a Reply”

Last Month’s Puzzle and Solution:

Mentschen Puzzle #16  “the NER within the Lantern”

There are four men on one side of a cavern needing to get to the other side.  They must cross an old rope bridge.  No more than two can cross at any one time.  They have a lantern and they must carry the lantern with them whenever anyone crosses.

It takes man A 10 minutes to cross.

It takes man B 7 minutes to cross.

It takes man C 2 minutes to cross.

It takes man D 1 minute to cross.

When two men are traveling together, they travel at the speed of the slower man.

What is the minimum amount of time it can take for all four men to get across the cavern?

Answer: 17 minutes

C+D go “over”: 2 minutes

C goes “back”: 2 minutes

A+B go “over”: 10 minutes

D goes “back”:   1 minute

C+D go “over”:  2 minutes

Total= 17 minutes

Puzzle #16 was solved correctly by:

Ed Blachman, Temple Emunah, Lexington, MA

Richard Gorman, Congregation Har Shalom, Potomac MD

Lawrence Eisenstadt,Temple of Aaron, St. Paul, Minnesota

Moshe Adler, Temple Beth El Men’s Club, West Palm Beach, FL

Congratulations!

This is the first in a series of posts where we want to hear from YOU. Please join in the conversation and tell your friends!

WHO WERE YOUR ROLE MODELS? We all can look back and think about pivotal events and key people in our lives.

• Who were these men or women in YOUR life?
• Tell us about their role and how it shaped the man who you are today.
• Are you serving as a mentor or role model for another man today? How?

 We look forward to a lively discussion!