Mentschen

My family and I made a couple of changes to our synagogue memberships just prior to Rosh Hashanah. As many of you know, we are members of Beth David B’nai Israel Beth Am, a Conservative/Masorti synagogue about 2 1/2 miles from our house. While I attend morning minyan there most days, Shabbat and chagim are difficult due to the fact that we prefer to walk to shul and the distances involved, especially in the winter, make walking a challenge.

When we moved into out present home 21 years ago, it was to be within walking distance of Beth Emeth Bais Yehuda, the conservative shul where our children had grown up, where I had my bar mitzvah and first become involved in Men’s Clubs and the FJMC.

About a dozen years ago, we decided, for a number of factors, to leave the membership of Beth Emeth. We joined an orthodox synagogue that was closer to us and where we had a number of friends. Being an unrepentant serial volunteer, I even became the president of that synagogue and learned quite a bit about personal dynamics of membership and fundraising.

Recently that synagogue has become a Chabad shul in all but name. While I don’t per se mind davening with anyone, Chabad seems to be more and more messianic in action and philosophy these days, something I’m not sure that their late Rebbe would have allowed.

The changes at the orthodox shul were subtle, with increasing restrictions enabled and initiated by the rabbis, closing off the view from inside the “cage” for women (Ezrat Nashim – women’s section) to other more restrictive practices that had not been allowed under the previous rabbis.

In the last couple of years, my wife, Vanessa, and younger daughter, Jessie, stopped attending at all. (Our elder daughter Nicole lives in Jerusalem.)

I like having the family with me in shul and this was not an optimal situation.

The last Shabbat of the year 5771 was my father’s seventh yartzheit, which I share with my good friend and neighbour, Eric Goldberg, whose mother passed away on the same hebrew date, the 25^th of Elul. We decided to share a kiddush in their honour at the 7:30 am (hashkamah) Shabbat minyan at Beth Emeth, where Eric is a past president and where my parents had been members. We were made to feel at home and both Vanessa and Jessie asked that I look into rejoining Beth Emeth.

The current synagogue president, Hilda Pisarek (her husband Irving, a past president of the BEBY Brotherhood has attended our conventions) and the synagogue’s past president, Sheldon Serota (also a past president of the Brotherhood) made the rejoining easy and we completed the process on Tuesday, just a day before Rosh Hashanah. Both have been among our best friends for more decades than any of us want to number, and that helped.

Going to shul on Thursday was very enjoyable. We reconnected with a great many friends, all of whom were excited and happy to see us. The changes of a dozen years were somewhat daunting on the memory as I was involved with the youth at Beth Emeth and while changes in a 40 year old are not hard to see past, it’s a bit different for someone who was 10 and is now suddenly 22 and is very happy to see you. The names did eventually come back, but it was a bit of a challenge. There is also the pleasant resumption of sitting with the entire family in shul, which I have not really done for the past dozen years. I have an uncle and a cousin who are members, so we got to do a little hugging in the aisles. Jessie was very happy; she joined me under my tallit during  duchaning, something she really missed. (ME TOO!)

Speaking of tallit, Al Mervin, a past president of the Lake Ontario Region of the FJMC and past brotherhood president at Beth Emeth, had to accept the fact that his tallit was no longer the nicest in the shul, as there was now another FJMC tallit in attendance. He took it well and we declared a tie for first.

Although Beth Emeth does not currently have an active Brotherhood, this is something I am going to work on with Hilda. I have told them that I cannot be the sole resource but that I would work with the men in the congregation to rebuild what was once one of the best men’s clubs in the FJMC.

I had sent a note out to some of the people involved to let them know what was happening and have received very positive responses from friends and  a very nice one from Rabbi Howard Morrison of Beth Emeth, welcoming us back.

I will still be involved with Beth David and its Brotherhood, it’s kind of interesting to have 2 shuls where you are a member. Unlike the old joke, I will attend both, just at different times. There might be a time though when my convention badge may need 2 lines for brotherhood memberships.

Looking forward to the new year, changes and all.

Rosh HaShanah is Coming! Rosh Hashanah is Coming!

The quiet that characterizes the Jewish world during summer begins to come alive earlier than usual this year because of the timing of the High Holidays just after Labor Day. Our Rabbis have returned from vacation and the synagogue bulletin returns from its summer hiatus. More often than not the bulletin contains a message from the Rabbi about the upcoming High Holiday season where we are urged to reflect upon the year just past and think about what we would like to accomplish in the year to come.

Since this season of reflection “officially” begins with Rosh Hodesh Elul, the Editors of MENTSCHEN invite YOU to offer your own take on this transition time from the end of summer to the beginning of the New Year. I hope that you will join the conversation on the theme of reflection (and take a crack at our special puzzle!). I would love to hear fromyou about your own experiences during this month of Elul. Does the theme of reflection resonate with you? Are you ready to take stock? What did you find?

One of my favorite books about the High Holiday liturgy is “Entering the High Holy Days” written by Masorti Rabbi Reuven Hammer. Early in the book he observes,

“It is often pointed out that the Hebrew word for “had I not” is lulei, which (in Hebrew) is Elul backwards. By the conclusion of Elul we should be ready for the most important days of the year. We have become alert to the need for self-scrutiny, we are aware of the approach of the day of judgement, and yet we are assured by the promise of God’s love and closeness. The sounds of the warning shofar have already entered our consciousness, and the feeling of forgiveness has been awakened. Tishre, the month of judgment, whose zodiac sign is the scale of justice, is now upon us.

We hope that this month provides a meaningful opportunity for us all to reflect on our lives and what it means to be a Jewish man today.

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT TODAY?

 Almost half a century ago, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. stood at the Lincoln Memorial and delivered his “I Have A Dream” speech.  He spoke about the promise of emancipation for Negroes, and how in the ensuing century, the plight of the Negro had not substantially changed.  This was not the problem of Negroes alone, King urged, because no white man could feel free contributing to the Negro’s oppression through silence and inaction.  King reminded us that America is founded on biblical principles – justice, equality, dignity – but it had failed in its mission to live up those principles.  Having witnessed so much violence against blacks, King had great reason to be pessimistic.  But religion is about optimism, and as a religious leader he believed in hope and he believed that when shown the truth people would choose right and justice.  King had a dream that one day, even in Alabama, perhaps the most racist state in the nation, “little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.”  He had a dream that his four little children “will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of the skin but by the content of their character.”

            Those biblical principles that Dr. King spoke of are Judaism’s contribution to the world. But like America in the 1960’s, the Jewish community has forgotten that all of God’s creatures are made in God’s image.   We have been willing to settle for segregation.

So I have a dream too.  Continue reading →

As we approach Tisha B’Av this week, I have noticed the tag line “have a meaningful fast” appended to some of the email in my inbox. As I reflected on these wishes, I began to think about how indeed, to find meaning in this fast day.

I could use your help.

Now I do get it. I fully understand the gravity of a day that marks the destruction of our Temples, of pogrom and persecution, of evil and adversity. But I wonder if fasting is the most appropriate or “meaningful” way to commemorate this day and to remember these tragedies. Continue reading →

It is early Monday morning July 18.  The moon is high and bright in the sky.  This must be near the mid-lunar month, 15 Tammuz.  I cannot tell, because there is no calendar at hand and I am in between time zones.

The only thing I know is that the moon is glowing and nearly full.  And so is my heart.

I have just emerged from two cocoons.  One was the space of Shabbat.  The other was the space of Jewish manhood.  One week ago, I entered the world of FJMC Convention.  It was my sixth time at the biennial gathering of the Federation of Jewish Men’s Clubs.

Over the years, many have asked what this is all about.  First timers often make remarks about bottling up the experience and taking it back home.  Most men say that once they attend, they will always come back.  Some have been at this for over 50 years.

I have said that FJMC Convention is the next best thing to being in Israel.  This time, I can answer that it is the state of being at one with halev yehudit, the Jewish heart.  It is the embodiment the words of Shema, “Ashrei ish sheyishma l’mitzvotecha” – happy is the man who listens to/fulfills the commandments”.

Like the mythical Scottish hamlet Brigadoon, FJMC Convention-world sleeps and is hidden most of the time.  It awakens only once every two years.  People can enter it only during these brief periods.  The rest of the time, one simply longs to return. Continue reading →

Having spent most of the week at the FJMC Convention in Costa Mesa, California, four of us, Joe Swerdlow, David Kaplan, Mike Perloff and myself, had a free day before returning home to the east. I had rented a car for the day – this was Southern California, after all, and we had to choose a destination. Would it be Disney or the beach? We had to decide.

The convention itself was great, with lots of friends, great programmes and events, and a ton of ruach. Only one thing marred what would have otherwise been perfect. Our friend, Phil Snyder, had to leave early for a medical treatment. It was unexpected, and as Phil left for his home in San Diego, he was in tears for having to leave this convention that was so close to his home.

The 405 highway was right outside the hotel. Take it south for a hundred miles or so, and you’re in El Cajon, one of the prettier suburbs of San Diego. The choice was easy, we’d go and see Phil. A quick call to see that he was at home and off we went.

The highway was scenic and the miles went by quickly. We arrived and greeted Phil as only men can. We told him we were in the neighbourhood and just needed to use his bathroom, then we would be on our way to the beach.

Phil was overjoyed we were there and we proceeded to laugh and talk and show our friend Phil that we love him and were there to be with him.

We stayed about an hour, bringing a little of our camaraderie to our friend, and a little of the convention he had missed.

It wasn’t hard to make the choice, and we spent a lovely day visiting our friend, who could not be with us so we went to him.

It’s what men do.

The first time I realized our Rabbis need to change their “third-rail” ban on marrying our intermarrying children was eight years ago at a Keruv training in Oakland, CA.  I was standing on the shore of San Francisco Bay, calling my friend in Massachusetts whose daughter had recently intermarried.  I told him about the progress we were making in welcoming intermarried families into the Jewish community.  And how Rabbis were engaged in the process.

“No they’re not.  Not when they shun you.  Not the way our Rabbi separated himself from me and my family.  Not when everyone in the community gathered except him,” my friend fumed. Continue reading →